Tuesday Tip: Promises...promises

So when you make a promise, you got to carry through. I've learned that when I tell Cj something, I need to be prepared to follow through, whether it be a threat or a promise. That means when I tell him he needs to do something or else "x" then I need to make sure "x" doesn't involve something that I can't do.  For example, if we are out and I tell him he needs to stop the screaming or else we are going to go home, I need to prepared for that possibility. Even if that means leaving everything in the cart or saying goodbye to my friends or whatever, it means I do it so I can take him home. I need to make sure I choose a threat or promise that is follow through-able {not a word, I know} or else I should stay quiet.

It really does help when he recognizes that I am not kidding around. I also think that because Jus and I have learned to follow through on what we say with each other, it's actually easier to have that same behavior spill over with the boys. Also, providing options allows Cj to not only be given a sense of ownership but actually gives him that. But, I still give him his options; I am still his mom. This provides him the opportunity to choose, within a framework and teaches him to make decisions. In some ways, he chooses his fate.

Sometimes he tests me, and that's fine. He's making sure that I am not just saying things, even though he knows that I am not. He doesn't do it often, and it's not always so obstinate. Its more like "I'm just checking," well at least so far that is all it has been.  I have noticed that he usually tests me after he has been with grandparents or friends, etc who probably let him get away with a few things here or there, which is fine because that is going to happen. I can't expect them to be on top of that with him, nor is their business to really {if they choose to do so on their own, god bless them}. He IS two. Right now, as long as he knows that we mean business when it comes to his mommy and daddy, we can help steer him in respecting all authority.

I actually like that he tests us {I'm so going to eat these words of mine. Just watch.} because it shows that he is already using the little brain of his to figure things out. I think when I was growing up, I was more of a "okay mommy, whatever you say," and in some ways that isn't always healthy {well, obviously I wasn't like that for everything, I fought with them too...} and sure, it may be easier for the parents, but a thinking child grows up to be a thinking adult {usually}. I'm not saying they shouldn't be obedient; I just don't think an obedient child and a critically thinking one have to be mutually exclusive.  Blind obedience doesn't help them understand {sometimes they might need to settle with that once in a while} but I'm hoping to do more than the "just because I said so" speech at every turn. I'd like to help them understand why.

Well as much as I know why, and as much as I can.