Cookies and crumbs

I was talking to some friends the other day and I shared how becoming a mother of 2 {boys especially} has grown me into a mom less obsessed with first impressions and more engaged with patience and real connection.

I mean, let's be honest, most of us who are parents will admit that before having our precious little ones, we had envisioned these ridiculously unrealistic snapshots of our future with children.

They would follow all the rules. They wouldn't argue back. They would eat food that was deemed appropriate for mealtimes. They would eat all of said food.  Candy and cake would never be consumed. They would sit at the table like good little boys and girls and not run around in circles, and scream in each other's faces and climb on furniture.

They would go to sleep when it was their bedtime. They would play nice with everyone and share with their friends. They would figure out how to use the potty on their own and learn their A, B, C's and 1, 2, 3's and geometry all too quickly.

They would never spill anything on the couches, or carpets, or on every surface imaginable. They wouldn't think of walking around the house eating junk food. Toys would go back right where they belonged after being played with. They would make their own beds. The clean up song would be sung with eagerness and joy as they moved from putting toys away to perhaps tidying and wiping down the rest of the house.

They would never hurt each other. If they did {accidentally, obviously}, they would take the initiative, give themselves a time out and offer an honest apology, with perhaps a plea for forgiveness.

Okay, so maybe a few of these are more than a dream away.

Either way, I'm less and less interested in displaying my children as showpieces and more interested in allowing them to learn and grow at their own pace, & in a fun, safe and trusted environment.

I'm finding out that this involves a few learning points for me in the meantime. 

1. It means that it sometimes isn't about me and it IS about them. 

2. It means that it's okay to be okay with the "messy" {even if everyone around you looks at you and your kids with eyebrows raised} and to patiently teach my kids as they learn at their own pace.

3. It means replacing those polished doorknobs and sparkling floors sometimes with spots and stains; the granola and veggies with cookies and crumbs.

I know it's a process and I'm still learning, but I hope I'm getting it.

Just Say No!

Somehow it keeps happening: we have an unhealthily-full schedule. It feels like I keep trying to harness it, but somehow, we end up packing it all in. Week after week. As self-appointed social coordinator of our family, I'm quick to take the blame, so it has been my continuous goal to calm our schedule down more than a little …each week.

But it doesn’t seem to be working.

So I mentioned that perhaps we just need to learn to say “No.” Well, not really learn, because we actually know how to say it {at least so much more than we did 5 years ago.}. Also, it isn't like we are this delicate couple just too intimidated to say, “sorry maybe another night”. The problem is that we love everyone and everything.

We love our friends, we love people, we love having people over, we love church, we love our nights at home together, we love going into the city, we love trying new things, we love helping, we love serving, we love eating, we love talking …we love listening. We love doing everything. So it isn’t that we can’t say no to things we don’t want to do…

… it’s that we just want to do everything!

It’s difficult when both partners want to do everything. We each, on our own… and together…  enjoy so many things. But fortunately, life is a bit different now with our little guys and their needs. The fact is that our decisions really need to be intentional, not because we are trying to keep to some kind of schedule {I mean, there is definitely a basic routine to the eating and napping and playing/learning that keeps them healthy} but because our decisions now affect two lives that have been put into our responsibility. That’s not to say we want to stop everything we are doing because we have kids, but I think it does mean that we need to show discernment and wisdom and care …and an amount of intentionality… with the choices we make, the people we invest in, the new things we try.

So eventually we’ll get it. I feel a personal responsibility to make it happen. One day we’ll see it in our google calendar: a completely event free week. Ahh. I can dream, can’t I? 

Well, maybe not completely event free =) 

...from the M.O.B. Society

Today I happened to jot down the many confessions for the day, and this article caught my interest from 'mom of boys' mob society blog. It just seemed to take the words out of my mouth, so I thought I would reblog this. Plus there's a giveaway at the site: two birds, one stone. But really, whether you are a mom of boys or just a mom in general, this has been a very resourceful and encouraging site to me. Check it out when you get a free moment…

when you think you’re all alone {and a giveaway!}

By Brooke McGlothlin

We moms, we think we’re all alone, don’t we?

We think our problems are worse than everyone else’s. We think our children’s sinful hearts are more sinful than everyone else’s. We think our weak spots have to be hidden, and can’t imagine telling the truth about what’s happening in our homes.

During those times, we often feel trapped.

I am doing the best I can.

I feel that I have lots of days when I can do this. Then a corresponding amount of days when I feel I cannot.  The roller coaster of emotions messes with my psyche.  I simply cannot keep up. At the end of the day I feel that I am constantly left wondering "did I do enough?" I feel separated from reality and often encounter an out-of-body experience; watching myself go through the motions.

Looking within from time to time is always a valuable assessment, but to live in a constant state of uncertainty and timidity is a poor place to reside. At least for me, it is.

I don't like living in that.

But, here I am.

. . .

Days like these, I have to remind myself of many, many things.

One of which is that even though I may not feel like it, I am doing what I can, the best way that I know how and I'm praying for One to make up the rest.

Please Lord, make up the rest.

Rain...Rain...don't go away

Like most mornings, the whimpering cries from Cj's room find their way into ours and slowly but surely, disrupt my morning slumber.  An unexpected coolness invades the air, and I am a little more eager to start the day.  I slip out of the bed quietly so as to not wake J, and take a quick glance out of the window on my way over to get my little prince.  The gray skies and the rain-soaked drive are unexpected, but relieving in a certain kind of way.  I ecstatically retrieve Cj from his room and head down the stairs to start my morning coffee. I can't wait for us to sit by the window together and listen to the robust hammering of the rain & watch for the flickering lightning as its thunder rumbles and roars around us. 

:: sigh ::

I am powerfully drawn to the summer rain.  I love a good thunderstorm. It's just relaxing and engaging; it feels so refreshing, so invigorating and at the same time, it can be so awe-inspiring and mysterious.  The soothing downpour contrasts with the heat and humidity that our area has been subject to recently and right now, the whole house feels cool and clean it its wet embrace.

The low soothing growl, often transforming into a crackling clap or thunderous boom, plays with my emotions. At any moment, I could close my eyes and whole-heartedly welcome the sub-bass of a delicate rolling thunder rumbling through the clouds.  The lower bass can get so deep and it adds such great depth; it's a natural, three dimensional audio experience.  It adds a comfortable charm that makes me want to cuddle on the couch with my coffee in hand, a good book {or macbook} on my lap and just disappear.

So yes, the whole thing fascinates me...and not just me, apparently.  Right now, as it pours outside, Cj and Tj are busy watching and playing by the windows so that they won't miss a beat. I like that I can most certainly relate.  We all seem drawn to it in the same exact inexplicable {though I tried my very best to explain above} way.

It is an auditory exhibit that reminds me of how small I am, yet still very much part of a powerful, amazing, and awesome creation.

"Live what you Love"

I had seen this title at Barnes & Noble a while ago as I strolled past their self-help section. The title had jumped out at me. I couldn’t help but do the classic double-take as I tried to fly past so as to secure my favorite comfy couch. So, I had stopped and flipped through the pages. It was like a memoir (or a blog in hardback). The book seemed to be a bunch of blubs about the author's experiences each day; really sbout just living life: enjoying the beach, reading, laying around & doing nothing, exploring the earth & doing everything, hiking, sleeping, etc. A simple life engaged in what s/he loved.

I found it interesting and so as I found my way towards the couch with my Starbucks chai latte in hand, two slightly opposing thoughts immediately came to mind . One, “live what you love.” What a great title. If you love something, then why not pour your existence into it? I love the very notion and admittedly, I believe my daily morning ritual involves a curiousity as to how my day can embrace the breath I have been given.

However the second was, “Really? But then what? What does living what you love all add up to in the end?” Enjoy the material world, parade within the abstract, delight in the intangible beauty all around, pour out your being, feel spent, and then die. You get a nice quote on your tombstone. Perhaps you leave a legacy behind. But what is it all for? For yet another round of a pointless, fruitless living-what-you-love kind of life?

But were we not created to enjoy all these things? Are we not human?

I have been in the process of rediscovering a life that is spent, yet so not wasted.  Loving a life worth living and living a life worth loving. Craving beauty. Appreciating the intellectual. Life has a point and there will be an exclaimation point at the end. Because in this memoir, there will be a life where at the heart of existence lays a desire for intimacy with the One who gave Love it’s name.

…with a challenge to love. A brilliant, fully-engaged, challenge to live.