Goodbye Summer...

So remember that list of summertime tasks I told you about? Well here's the update and also why I haven't been around the entire month of August:

not our actual blueprint

We are renovating our house! 

It all happened kinda fast.  We had a few quotes, and a discouraging report after another until we finally got someone in to help us out.

Thus we packed up and moved out. That was over three weeks ago.

So now here we are. We travel here and there, from one friend's home, to another. To a parent's place and back.  The month of August had us live like vagabonds but we pray daily to be back in our own home again.

But in the middle of our comparably 'homeless' situation, we have been reminded of the blessings in our life. Like friends and family that would take us in (and I mean, all four of us crazies) and provide in oh the so many, many ways - big and small.  It's been so touching.

We are so grateful.

Also, like with any renovation story I have heard (or witnessed) there are those expectations, timelines, and promises… all not happening as planned.  On top of all that, it really is quite a task to lug your home in your car from one place to another along with two toddlers who don't quite understand why we are not in our own house.  But even through all the crazy that is happening, it is hard to stay upset about timelines and unkept promises when we experience peace in the middle of it all.  Can't help but be reminded of an extraordinary God who made a promise to be with us and he has yet to break it.

Good looking out Big Guy!

We are truly grateful.  As far as the work being done: we learn to put our foot down when we need to and thank God for the provision in the meantime. Hopefully I can post an update about our return sooner than later!

had to just post a pic of my tj. he really is cute, even though he truly is a troublemaker.

Ordinary Greatness

Sighing, the light air chases the whispy strands of hair that have been dancing around her face. She leans over her little one, one arm restraining him from twisting and turning, the other flying back and forth, wiping and folding, preparing to cover him back up.  His "no, no, no's" finally morph into the screams she is much more familiar with, and he whips his body around.  Those little legs, kicking. Those arms, punching the air.

Exasperated, she leans back, resting on the heels of her feet. Why is this such a battle? Who knew a fresh diaper would cause such strife?  She allows the back of her hand to wipe the front of her brow, and pushes back her falling hair.  Sigh.  She's spent. Exhausted.  It's the end of the day, she realizes. She just wants to give in.

She strains her neck, searching for her other half and gathers up the items covering the floor to hand over.  Enter scene: her eldest son.  The inquisitive three-year old looks quizzically at his tantrum-throwing brother on the floor, and then rests his eyes on her.  He is holding a shiny, new gadget. Looks like a book light. Oh yes, most likely the one she had tucked away, hidden in a drawer, probably from her night stand.

She hears her husband, and returns to relinquish her noble duties.  She has it all nearly bundled together and barely misses the growing light beside her; a brilliant star shining against the black of the night.  The boy, under no obligation but his own, kneels down next to his little brother and offers him a chance at the shiny, metallic prize.  The littlest hands reach it and just as immediately as the chaos began, the calm returns.  Exhale.

Pausing the task at hand, she glances up to soak in his innocent, beautiful face. "Aw Cj, that was so nice. You are one, good, big brother! Thank you."  His dad, kneels down, places his hands on his small shoulders and looks him square in the eye, "You. Are amazing." The toddler looks over at his parents, obviously unaware of his act of altruism until that moment. He starts, "well he just…" His tiny voice fades and he reaches up, his arms extending towards both mom and dad.  Completely overcome by the unexpected reaction from his parents, the sweet little voice returns,

"I love you guys soooo much."

I wanted to capture an everyday moment that occurred earlier this evening… written for this week's writing prompt: Falling at Studio 30+

Cookies and crumbs

I was talking to some friends the other day and I shared how becoming a mother of 2 {boys especially} has grown me into a mom less obsessed with first impressions and more engaged with patience and real connection.

I mean, let's be honest, most of us who are parents will admit that before having our precious little ones, we had envisioned these ridiculously unrealistic snapshots of our future with children.

They would follow all the rules. They wouldn't argue back. They would eat food that was deemed appropriate for mealtimes. They would eat all of said food.  Candy and cake would never be consumed. They would sit at the table like good little boys and girls and not run around in circles, and scream in each other's faces and climb on furniture.

They would go to sleep when it was their bedtime. They would play nice with everyone and share with their friends. They would figure out how to use the potty on their own and learn their A, B, C's and 1, 2, 3's and geometry all too quickly.

They would never spill anything on the couches, or carpets, or on every surface imaginable. They wouldn't think of walking around the house eating junk food. Toys would go back right where they belonged after being played with. They would make their own beds. The clean up song would be sung with eagerness and joy as they moved from putting toys away to perhaps tidying and wiping down the rest of the house.

They would never hurt each other. If they did {accidentally, obviously}, they would take the initiative, give themselves a time out and offer an honest apology, with perhaps a plea for forgiveness.

Okay, so maybe a few of these are more than a dream away.

Either way, I'm less and less interested in displaying my children as showpieces and more interested in allowing them to learn and grow at their own pace, & in a fun, safe and trusted environment.

I'm finding out that this involves a few learning points for me in the meantime. 

1. It means that it sometimes isn't about me and it IS about them. 

2. It means that it's okay to be okay with the "messy" {even if everyone around you looks at you and your kids with eyebrows raised} and to patiently teach my kids as they learn at their own pace.

3. It means replacing those polished doorknobs and sparkling floors sometimes with spots and stains; the granola and veggies with cookies and crumbs.

I know it's a process and I'm still learning, but I hope I'm getting it.

Shmorgishborg

So I'm averaging about five posts a month. I think I need to maybe make a resolution to get at least 10 posts or so out there to be considered a blogger. I duno. Honestly, at the end of the day, I'm really okay with whatever and however it turns out, but sometimes I feel like if I don't keep up, it defines my reliability or credibility or something.

Excuses, excuses.
Anyway, aside from that, I have been dealing with and working through some things & stuff over the last several weeks, much of which involves processing through some broken, past, childhood ...and adult ...experiences. I think I properly excused myself over the last few months to process it all offline in a safe community {love you guys!!} rather than gushing it all on here.  For now, it's probably better this way, trust me.

Summertime!
In the meantime, our family of four has been embracing the summer as best as we can. Albeit it’s been chock full of crazie at times, there are definitely some moments that have been sweet and savory.  I mean, honestly it is no different than any other season, except that I am sporting a deeper tan than I have ever been able to in a while.  Good times.

The Home Office
J and I are finally tackling our home office and it is starting to take shape (J is probably more excited than me; he's been looking forward to a fully functional home office for quite some time). I like getting my hands dirty at home and I enjoy that delicious feeling of productivity and accomplishment at the end of a hard working day. Engaging in this activity together is simply icing on the cake.

Backyard 
We have some wasps invading our backyard space, so I'm waiting for the exterminator (or 'terminator' as Cj refers to them) to come in and do what they do. I hope to play a little back there, with the boys of course, but more so with function and design.  I have been lusting over some oasis-like-backyards and coveting my own. I will receive an immense amount of satisfaction once my herbs getting planted. Yes, yes, I understand the summer is half over. I still want to plant them.

Cj
Ahh, my loving 3 year old (going on 12) is at a darling stage with his "excuse me?"'s and "may I go potty?" {Yes, the potty.  It's happened!  I know, I'm excited about it too.} Anyway, I can't help but chuckle or just stop and stare at him sometimes. I often wonder how long it will last and grieve a bit if I start to dwell on a future that has yet to happen. Sometimes it takes me a while before I can shake it off and figure out ways to treasure the now.

Tj
Finally making his place in the world and piecing together some words, or maybe phrases… or really at the very least just use one or two in context like “paaish” (please) and “taa-shu” (thank you). "Nooo" is always readily accessible and “ahh whaa daaiiee” (I want daddy) is his favorite, especially when he sees me greet him in the morning.  Thanks son. I appreciate the love.

The most recent episode involved this little guy somehow taking down a gallon of extra virgin olive oil (it wasn't full) and then proceeding to pour it all over himself and the carpet while I was in the kitchen cooking.
.:: Sigh::.  I think I just have to expect this kind of crazie with two toddler boys.  When I finally found him and all the evidence on and surrounding him, I honestly wasn’t even shocked. I pretty much said “yup, thaaat’s about right” and just got straight to cleaning.  I had to take a picture; he was just down right proud with himself (and that dimple is so darn charming).

Shows how far I’ve come from cherishing a spic and span house to embracing the spots and stains.

Okay probably not embracing it, per se. Learning to live with and accept (for now) is a better way of putting it.

Pew…Pew, I got you!

Growing up, I wasn't really into 'girlie' things. I had a doll or two, and liked art and reading but I was more into climbing trees, chasing "the bad guys" with my brother or riding my bike down this steep, narrow path in the woods behind our house to show up the neighborhood kids at not falling off.

I usually fell. Okay, I always did.

Now, here I am, a mom of two toddler boys who are constantly jumping, running and chasing (usually me). Especially since Cj is really into superheroes, our days are now filled with capes and mayhem.  Tj just likes all the pew-pewing that goes on.  Honestly, it IS fun, but just for about two minutes.  Then I'm reminded of my once-upon-a-time rough and tumble childhood and am made very much aware that I grew out of that phase a long time ago.  I start looking for an inhaler that I do not own and start dreaming of a quiet hammock with a glass of wine and a good book to read.

To be honest though, I really do enjoy the time with them because there is something relational happening when I get to engage with them during active play. Its sweet, and organic and fun.  But at times I really just want to sit back and watch the two of them go at it. Also through all of this, I realized that I am much more interested in creating a scenario, whereas they are just caught up in the "I got you" part of it.

Oh, and the chasing…and the running…and the beating me down.

Wait, I already told you they like the "Gotcha" part.
Sigh.  Boys.

Well, it's good cardio, I'll tell you that much.

I foresee a super-hero filled summer.

Wordless Wednesday

'smile travie'

'roaaaarrrrr'

too. cool.

love my tj =)

my handsome guys

we are family ...

Messy Masterpiece

So in our living room, we have an empty, red wall, which we stare at often because our television sits in front of it. There hasn't been anything on that wall in some time because we have been looking for a particular piece of artwork, specifically one on a long, short canvas that would sort of lay above the tv.  Nothing we saw ever fit our budget or really fit what we were looking for ~ design-wise ~ so I thought why not just make something. I'm not intimidated by that.

I was inspired by a post “messy masterpiece” where daughter and mom created an artpiece “if it’s not messy it’s not fun” for her daughter’s room.

the original 'masterpiece' …which i love by the way

I liked the quote and I really loved the way it came out…and when it comes to brushes and paints and canvases, I'm easily inspired {let's just say I find the idea of teaching my boys arithmetic far more daunting than art}.  So this seemed to be an easy DIY that would allow us to showcase some of the boys’ creative talents WHILE filling up that blank red space at the same time. Two birds. One stone.

So I went out and bought a canvas and used some items I already had at home.

Canvas
Alphabet Stickers* {I used Artskills Poster Letters & Lettering}
Acrylic Paint and/or Finger paint

* I took the tip from her post and used white alphabet stickers. I had those in the lettering packet and I thought that might work best so that the kids wouldn’t try and pick at them. It was a success. Honestly, I think they were just really into getting paint all over their hands and then all over the empty, white canvas.

We used four different paint colors, mostly with an analogous color harmony, {or side-by-side on the color wheel, like red, orange and yellow}, with those that would work in our living room. I added purple to give it some depth.  We did one color at a time, and I used paper plates to separate each color. Since we did it outside on our deck, the paint dried up by the time we went to get our next color. {There are some "brown" areas where the paint didn't dry and the colors mixed together, but that's okay. It's supposed to be a little messy!}

Then we peeled off the stickers after everything was dry, and voila! Our masterpiece.

I had white paint that I was going to use to clean up the paint that found their way underneath the stickers, but then after taking them off, it really did seem appropriate. So I just touched it up a tad bit, but left a little of the color there.  I was planning to paint the words "life is" before it but then I just liked the way it came out so I left it alone.

{NOTE: If you don’t have the stickers, you could always just paint your word, or phrase, on there with stencils or free hand}

It was fun. I wish I had taken more pictures of us actually making it, but I didn’t think that far ahead. Anyway, here is the finished piece on our red wall:

Honestly, I love it. Especially since over the last few years I have come to learn and live with “messy” being a very big part of our vocabulary. It just seems appropriate, don't you think?

Oh so hello again

I haven't written in almost a month. Wow. How does a month fly by so quickly? Each week I get caught up preparing for the weekend and then those few short days go by even faster than I can say 'fiesta'.

.Sigh.

Every time.  You would think I'd grow wise and learn from these experiences. Not so my friend. Not so.

{Hm, but maybe this week…}

The end of April into May was crazie. Best friend's wedding, our son's third birthday, the cesspool backing up, plus a coxsackie episode with a consequent quarantine pretty much sum up just a handful of the various occurances that took place over the last thirty days.

Last night I was able to take a few pictures that capture the essence of many a day here in our home. My Tj managed to get into a tub of aquaphor and I caught him bathing in it. It was all over his hair, his pajamas and his belly.  Oh also, this was immediately after I had given him a bath AND just before we were trying to get into the car to go somewhere.

I'm not sure. He might have digested some of it too.

Any other time I would have muttered 'frustration!' under my breath and quickly shamed myself for leaving him alone for more than a second since I should have known better.  But, for whatever reason, I just couldn't stop laughing.   I mean, it was so funny. I was actually trying to hold in all my giggles in so that he could see that the importance of the situation; this was not a very nice thing to do.  I think he knew anyway.

 'what?'

when i ask him 'what happened?', he just looks away and stares

he just moves his eyes back to me when i ask him to look at me

'what this? oh this is nothing'

'hi momma!'

I proceeded to throw him right back into the shower for a quick second (which actually was NOT quick…who knew aquaphor refuses to be washed out).

Life gets the best of us sometimes. It's nice when I am aware of this reality and can move forward instead of using up my energy to get so frustrated.  It doesn't mean I won't ever feel defeated, it's just nice when I am able to catch myself before I do. I like the peace I feel when I can allow my perspective to shift towards accepting the moment and seeing what I can do to make lemonade out of it instead.

I still look forward to at least a month  a week of sans crazie though. One week. Is that too much to ask?

I like hanging out with you

So perhaps the beginning of this week was a bit chaotic, or perhaps I was a bit dramatic.  Maybe both. Honestly, there are days when this is just too much, and I'm watching the clock tick-tock away until I can put them both to bed. The boys don't always listen, the well of ideas does in fact run dry, and help often seems so far away.

I look back and wonder if I should have written it all out on here.

But I do find comfort and connection when I see other moms/ women/ people with not-so-great moments and are not afraid to say so.  I want to demonstrate that my days are not always neatly wrapped and tied with a pretty little bow.  In fact I have gone through plenty-a-season of exhaustion. 

I have emotions. 

The boys are not always nice. Nor am I.

Sometimes, I feel like hiding or running away.

In contrast, today we played and danced.
We sang.
Cj ran to me to give me a tight hug around my neck, then paused for dramatic effect and said,

"I like hanging out with you".

The things that he says and isn't even three yet.

I mean he says things like that all the time {he's such a little love-bug} but for some reason it stole a gasp from me this time. I can't even begin to tell you how that felt, especially after such a week. I squeezed him a little tighter and exhaled with a 'you-are-so-amazing-for-saying-that' kind of sigh. I looked at his most innocent face as he smiled his goofy grin back at me, obviously quite proud of himself for causing such a reaction.  The honesty of a child is what makes moments like these so euphoric.  They mean what they say. Not that adults don't, but when a child says 'I love you' they don't have any hidden connotations or expectations or complexities cloaking it. When they say they love you, they love you. All in.

I looked right back at his big, beautiful, brown eyes and said "I like hanging out with you too."

And I do.

Simple reminders I've been given for why I chose choose to stay with these little guys. Why I am at home. Why I don't run away. Why I get to be taught such profound truths about honesty and simplicity and love through the words of a child. 

I'm glad I didn't miss this one.

some nights are hard.

well here's to transparency.

my children.

i love them, i truly do. but i'm exhausted. i just cannot think straight and for the life of me i have lost the energy to continue. i don't know what i am doing. i am missing things. i am not spending enough time with them and yet at the same time, all i do is them.

i am them. i feel defined by them.

this is why. this is why i feel like such a failure when they don't listen. when they ignore me. when they yell. when they are just plain mean.

it's because of me, isn't it?

yes, yes, kids will be kids. they are both toddlers. they all go through the terrible twos and threes… and yes, i hear you, BUT it is still terribly difficult to ignore the little voice saying how much influence i have in their lives …that in those moments, he is just a little mirror of me.

sometimes it's hard to convey anything to them. i feel there are days that they just don't want anything to do with me. 

he is tired of me. he doesn't listen to me.

it's like he's 15. and yet he is only 2.

me

i don't know who i am. i don't know what definition to take. is it the children? is it a wife? is it someone who cares about something? i remember when i did. i sometimes still think i do but then when i follow that logic, it's down a path i realize i have no time or energy to commit to or to devote towards, so then i recoil and fall into a sorry state wondering who i am again.

who am i?
where do I fit into all of this?

i lack the energy to practice perspective change.

i just want to be honest and say this is hard and i feel lost and tired and alone. 

Do I want a good boy?

So as I tend to begin my mornings with coffee, of course, I usually then proceed with a certain curiosity for what the day may unfold.  I begin to wonder about what we will do. Will there be a sufficient amount of activities for the kids? Will I have done what I needed to mold and teach them the age-appropriate education that is expected of them at this age? Am I going to be a better example today for them than yesterday? Are they finally going to get what it means to be a 'good boy' today?

Those are just a few of the many expectations I put on myself. I know. I need to just take a chill pill. I know.

J tells me the same thing. Essentially.

Then I read this the other day - -

"

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 

- Deuteronomy 6:5-7 

Over the last few days I feel that those bags packed full of these expectations have begun to lift from my shoulders.  Instead of just doing things with the boys, I've tried to spend time with them.  I'm not just reading a book or two, I'm enjoying the stories, their reactions, the imagination.  When we play or learn or whatever, I'm watching them. I'm stepping into 'aha' moments and basking in them.

My change in attitude has provided a wonderful lack of frustration that would have normally found its way to the surface by the end of each day prior.  Now, whether it was to try and get 'x' done while cj wanted me to put his trains together and tj tugged at my pant leg, I felt free from frustration and even guilt.

I want to teach them how to be godly versus good. I want to build a relationship with them instead of adding to the number of activities in a day. It's been freeing. Now, I am free to enjoy the time with them. And though I know there will be days and those harder-than-ever situations, I can now confidently leave the ownership of who they are / will be to God so I can enjoy these moments in the meantime.

The other day, Colin patted the seat beside him and beckoned : "Mommy, come sit on the couch and tell me about God."

Seriously. Who taught him that?

...from the M.O.B. Society

Today I happened to jot down the many confessions for the day, and this article caught my interest from 'mom of boys' mob society blog. It just seemed to take the words out of my mouth, so I thought I would reblog this. Plus there's a giveaway at the site: two birds, one stone. But really, whether you are a mom of boys or just a mom in general, this has been a very resourceful and encouraging site to me. Check it out when you get a free moment…

when you think you’re all alone {and a giveaway!}

By Brooke McGlothlin

We moms, we think we’re all alone, don’t we?

We think our problems are worse than everyone else’s. We think our children’s sinful hearts are more sinful than everyone else’s. We think our weak spots have to be hidden, and can’t imagine telling the truth about what’s happening in our homes.

During those times, we often feel trapped.

Wordless Wednesday

"… my brother and me …"

Making a fool outta me

Travie is starting to act like a real boy. I mean, of course he is a real boy, but up until the past few weeks, he was still just a baby. Now, not only will he interact and babble along with us, he has started to really 'fake' his cries. He begins by scrunching his face - - it's very cute - - and then he'll open one eye wide to see if we are paying attention. If we are, he closes it tight and goes back to his weepy theatrics until he gets his way.

Up until now, he's been the baby.

"Colin! He's just a baby, he just wants to play with you…."

"Colin! We don't hit. We especially don't hurt a baby..."

"Colin! Don't be mean to your brother. He's just a baby…"

But yesterday, my eyes were opened to the misleading path Tj had been taking us all on.  I mean, yes, I was growing suspicious over the last few weeks, but it feels that finally I was given more than a clue.

It was late in the day and in the middle of one of the many dramatic scenes that goes on around here. One of them was "arguing" with the other when the littlest one tried all his antics with me. It was right then and there that I realized he is hoping that I will pull Colin to the side and that he will eventually get off the hook.

He knows exactly what he is doing.

But I'm onto him now. No more making a fool outta me…

or really his poor brother, rather.

a forgetful people

It is incredibly hard not to watch my 2 and a half year old engage in whatever he is at play with. He is just so full of life. He loves to tell stories and run around for no good reason, and just come back and talk in full sentences. It's hard for me to contain myself sometimes. He's talking so much more and it's hard to believe he can talk more than he already does, but my day consists primarily of allowing him to run up right beside me, talking. Nonstop. Even when he can't think of the word he needs to use in his sentence/story/question/..., he'll figure out how to get his point across. It's remarkable. 

And he enjoys counting. Everything turns in to an opportunity to count with him. I have to say that's all Jus {or my brother} because I neglect the capacity to add or subtract.

I could write out an essay on it though. 

Or draw a picture.

Anyway its nice to know that when I need someone to comprehend quantity and structure and space...and numbers in general, I'll have my hubs and firstborn to look to. Who knows, maybe Tj will exemplify mathematical powers too. 

For now, Tj just seems to live perpetually in a 'what a wonderful' kind of 'world', and even more so when he sees me. He is always just so eager to catch my attention and then erupt in his woody-the-woodpecker cackling.  His sweet face turns from wonder to adoration and I revel in it.

Cj used to do that, but now it's like a distant memory. 

So now I find great delight Tj's all forgiving love.

More and more I am floored by how incredible it is to witness and even be participant to these little lives. To see these tiny persons sing and talk and think they are all grown up. I truly try not to miss any minute of it. 

And then I get overwhelmed by them. And by Him. 

How did I get to be so blessed? Who does this? Who allows me the miraculous opportunity to be part of something so precious? So real and so GOOD? And for all who know, it truly is a miracle.  I just too often ‘forget’. Even though I can’t ever really forget the life I've lived, I am also always reminded of God and of his goodness. 

"'Course He's not safe! But He's good. He's the King I tell you..."

{mr. beaver on aslan in the chronicles of narnia}

He is just so too good to me.

Wordless Wednesday

my tj - 8 months!!

can't see the sprinklers but they are there and cj loves them

the boys {and tj before the haircut}

...and we are back!

So we were at a wedding in florida and just really had a great, relaxing time {best part: my tan!} It was such a nice time to enjoy each other, our friends & family while celebrating together with them.  Of course, we always say we could use a vacation from the vacation {you know, gotta unwind from the travel, etc} and this time Jus actually took a few days off afterwards, so it was nice to just not have to rush back to the routine of things as soon as we got back. But I gotta tell ya, it has been a hectic week all the same! I think I was envisioning relaxing days on the deck, quiet walks in the evening with the boys, maybe a beach visit or two... and yes, perhaps one or two of those things happened but it was still midst a crazie amount of craziness.

First, let me just say, God bless grandparents because without them, we wouldn't have been able to go to florida sans les enfants. But I could truly swear that those two boys were not given to them as spoiled as they were when I received them back. ::Sigh:: Well, what do you expect. Grandparents aren't supposed to have to think or worry about discipline!

And such is the result. 

Last week was really a week spent in the two of us trying to reign the two of them in {somehow, we felt outnumbered still}. But I think because routine is really important in such a process {and Jus' presence throughout the day really isn't part of said routine} that project really didn't get off the ground until today.  I was starting to get pretty nervous, I'll admit. I began  envisioning all my future days full of just spoiled little boys running me haggard. 

But today turned out to be a good day, all in all. I missed having Jus around, but honestly it was so nice to just get the little guys back on their schedule. And really, it's less about 'a schedule', per se. It's about their attitude and their behavior and I think that all just stems from a sense of security, which is often found in their routine.

..and Jus and I... well we aren't really routine people..

"Hey wanna come over today to bbq for the fourth of july? We don't have any food, but bring your friends!"

"Hey, wanna go to the beach at 5 even though I usually start the kids evening dinner/bath/nighttime schedule within the next hour?"

"Hey wanna go for a drive and then end up at the beach without any beach stuff and then drive back in our soaked every day clothes?"

It's unfortunate, I know. But we love it.

So even though it's the summer, and there will shall be plenty-a-more days, weeks and weekends  filled with illuminating new wonders and marvels, at this moment, just getting the two of our innocent, loving faces to sleep instead of hearing "no stop it, mommy, stop it" and "shhh mommy" is wonderful and marvelous in and of itself.

It's true. I'm a mom.

So I don't know what it is but for some reason I just have not been able to get away from the sweetness and all the baby-like beauty of my secondborn. It just has been one of those days where I have been absolutely caught up by everything that is Travis. I just cannot get enough of him. First of all, I just need to put it out there: the little guy simply lights up whenever he sees me walk into the room. I mean, you can actually see it: his smile just grows so large and becomes so bright and he just stares and adores and I. Love. It.  I love that I am his world right now, because I know that this will be just for a season; before long he will be too busy crawling and exploring and trying his best to be like his older brother or daddy, so for the moment, I am just embracing every little bit of it. From the way he holds my hands to the way his eyebrows burrow in intense concentration as his investigates his newest toy to the way he is so absolutely captivated by his brother. He is starting to interact so much more when Colin laughs with him or talks to him and Cj is absolutely amused by this. He's just figuring out new ways to get his little brother to laugh again, or even what it is that he can protect Tj from. It's been so amazing to see how he takes on the big brother role already and rushes over to Tj's side to soothe and say that it's going to be alright {when in reality Cj is just running away from his source of fear while Tj is trying to figure out how to get closer to the action}.

In anycase, it amazes me in these moments that I AM actually a mom. In some ways, I cannot remember a time before children, but then in others, I'm floored by the fact that this baby attached to my hip or that toddler clinging to my leg are actually mine. My boys. I can't help but think, "who thought that was a good idea?" because, really? Do you know me? Seriously. Me...a mom? Some people, I feel, were born maternal. I am not quite sure I was. Well, I guess most people see and think of me as a mom today, but when I sit down at night and I still look back at the entirety of my day and have no idea how it all got figured out. But it happens, and I can't help but think God is truly so good. I guess that's what it all goes to display in the end, and that truth is really pretty cool.

In any case, it all changes so quickly and I just want to make sure I can remember and be reminded of these moments of glory on those days that I just want to pull my hair out.  SOo, I'm going to continue enjoying the scent of 'baby' on Tj {or rather, his baby shampoo} and watch him blow those raspberries at his daddy and smile at the drooly kisses he leaves on his older brother. I've been given a pretty other-wordly privilege to do so, and I would rather not spend my time or energy on anything less.

I'm the proud parent of...

So I finally took the boys out shopping this morning {usually I go out once a day even if it's just to roam the store, but this has been a not-so-productive week} and it was so great to be out. We got to go to two stores and let me just tell you: my boys are superstars. I mean they were just so good. I think they just wanted to get out of the house. I mean, Cj loves our field trips to 'the store'. He's always grabbing my pantleg at home and dragging me to the door. The boy just likes to be outside. I can't blame him. Both his parents do too. So even when Tj started getting a little fussy at the end of the two hours, Cj kept leaning towards him to let him know we were almost done. It was great!

The best part was when we got home and I left one of my shopping bags at the foot of the stairs. Cj was on his way upstairs to go take his nap {which he loathes doing, but for some reason he was in an agreeable mood today} and he saw my dark chocolate peanut butter cups. Okay first of all these are a serious addiction of mine. I canNOT get enough of them. That and kashi dark chocolate oatmeal cookies {Jus thinks those taste like cardboard. Ha! Jokes on him...more for me!!}.

Now, it's hard enough for me to share chocolate-peanut butter delights in general, BUT when my little boy looks up at me with those puppy dog eyes and pleads with that little itty-bitty voice "momma can I have one, please? can i have one? please mo-om?" It's a hard thing. But, I have been found to share with him from time to time. THIS, however, was certainly not going to be one of those times. And, no, not because I wanted them all for myself {honestly though, can I just say that sharing makes it taste so much better? ...Ohgoodness, i'm such a mom} but because he would never fall asleep for his nap! Soo I looked him right in the eyes and said no. I did promise to give him one after he took his nap though.

Now usually this would result in some kind of struggle for who knows how long. But for some lord-unknown-reason, he looked right back at me for a serious 8 seconds, put it back in the bag and then continued to walk up the stairs.

It. Was. Awesome.

After the shock, I gloated. I know. I'm crazie. But for the moment I was able to feel like I should get one of those nice, white bumper stickers that says "I am the proud parent of a chocolate-peanut-butter-loving and from-time-to-time-obedient son."

Well, at least until he wakes up.

Wordless Wednesday