Elusion… Illusion …?

See, here's the problem.

I don't have a lot of time. Time eludes me. Well, actually I have the same amount of time everyone else does but for some reason my management of it has grown terr-- …no, rather, it has shrunk. I'm at a loss.

Everything in me wants to share the blame with my two sweet, lovable, busybody boys. But, if I am being honest, I just can't.  They are a part of my life and I devote most of my day to building them up. So what I have not done is learn how to manage my time or perhaps…maybe J and I - we have not developed the ability to say "no."

"No I don't have time for that…" "No, we may not be able to take that on this time…" "No, we may need to meet another day…or in about 6 months… or something…"

We keep saying yes.

BUT … to be fair, that's only because we are used to doing that. Saying Yes…and really being able to follow through with that. Now, it's all different and we are still not used to it. So we keep saying inviting more into our day, and then quickly realize we are just not equipped the same way we used to be.

BUT THEN… when I scan my emails and see a blog or two where some supermom is doing everything with their kids, AND blogging, AND meal planning AND staying trim {I just threw that in there for some dramatic flair, but you all know what I'm talking about} I just throw my hands up in the air and think, how do they do it? How do they do it all and not get burnt out?

Yes, and then my sweet, patient, and lovingly husband tries to remind me that this just isn't the case and that all moms probably feel the same way… but I refuse to believe him.  I mean, look at their blogs. They seem to have it all down pat.

:: sigh ::

Yes, then again he says if they read my blog, they may feel the same way about me. But see, if you are the wise and truly insightful audience that I imagine you to be,  you would notice that it takes me months at a time to post a word or two on this thing, thus concluding that I am not able to manage my lot.

No?

ANywHoo..

I like to rant and I haven't written in a while and I figured in an effort to be honest and authentic, even here, I would share. Here's the thing: I like to write every day, and I miss it. Truly, I do.  However, falling asleep at 8pm - sometimes without a third meal -  doesn't help. So as I go through this process of figuring out a way to manage my day better or get back into some sort of routine, trust me. I'll be around.

I'm sorry, what was I supposed to do?

Once upon a time, I had a brain. It operated just fine.

I will toot my own horn and say that my memory was impeccable, my creative could be pretty dazzling and my organizing skills were rather impressive. I mean, I truly believe that there was an entire department within my brain dedicated to arrange and put my life in order…so much so that when dates or items were thrown at me, the speed at which my mind was able to process and sort and file away {or bring up, for that matter} was remarkable.

Then I had my second son and my brain hasn’t been the same ever since. The ball has been dropped, on multiple occasions, and now I have to have a meeting with my head-organizing-department-manager about why s/he hasn’t been able to keep it all together.

:: sigh ::

I’m at a loss to figure it all out. I just can’t keep up. Things are all over the place, and the way I used to depend on my mind, I can do so no longer. It’s shameful. Not only because I cannot trust myself, but when I give my “Yes” or “No” to someone, I cannot do so with the confidence I once had. I may completely and absolutely forget, and that is just really new to me. In the past, I may have neglected things here or there, but for the last several months, it has not been that. It’s the loss of memory.

It’s hard to explain so that one could really empathize. Trust me, I have tried. All I can say is that to once have been able to do something well and now not at all, well, it’s almost near debilitating. For me, anyway.  and just saying that seems so sad. I thought I would have been able to get it together, but just when I seem to finally get a grasp, it slips away. Then I’m frustrated, and that leads to ingratitude and that leads to guilt because I have so much to be grateful for. I find it interesting that even though I know that I have all that I can ever want or need, I still fuss and find it incredibly difficult to move past these things that bother me, these funny little things that mess with my identity.

Jus always reminds me that my identity isn’t wrapped up in these things. It’s nice to be reminded. But it doesn’t always stick. I still struggle with it.

I need to get a handle on all the craziness, and coffee just isn’t cutting it this time.

Project Purge

Recently, Justin aptly stated that now that I am home, somehow I have found the time to shop for all the things I have ever wanted. I laugh because it is true, BUT it's not what you think.  The way he says it, you would think I was raiding the mall or the shops along 5th avenue.  But I have actually been scouring out nearby deal / dollar stores for pretty baskets and simple colored containers for my organizing habit. I know, so disappointing. I mean, I AM in need of a wardrobe redo, but thats probably not going to happen in the near future. Not until I purge at least 75% of it (which I WILL be doing, its just a purging project that falls behind a few other high priorities at the moment).

Right now I am in the middle of purging the house of unwanted clutter. We are undergoing clutter rehab at the moment. It's a 12 step process...

First Step: Toys

I have always shuddered at the thought of random toys lying haphazardly here and there disturbing the rooms we would much rather retreat to.  Can you imagine it? (Well some of you can. Just look at the room you are in probably, as I am doing. It's a mess. There are toys EVERYWHERE!!) So now this has become a reality in my own home and it drives me crazy.  But I have found that it is near impossible to run after these boys and put everything away or even expect them to every single time {note: Colin is really really good about putting toys away when he needs to. I mean, really, as long as I make it an 'activity' he is up for anything..}

But now these toys are not just everywhere; they are growing. Exponentially. Especially now that his second birthday is coming up in a month, this is going to become a much larger problem unless I do something now. 

So this is the project outline of what I have planned:

1. Gather:

I am going to collect all the toys from every room in the house. There are some in a box or two in the basement that Colin had outgrown and a few in his bedroom. In either case, I'm going to lay them all out for step two...

2. Purge:

So once gathered, I will use the basics of cleaning 101 and separate them into the three famous piles - 

1. Trash
2. Give
3. Sort

..Trash..
Some are old or have missing pieces or something. They can get discarded.
Really people.

..Give..

The boys don't need so many toys. I definitely enjoy using some of them to teach him about colors and shapes and animals, etc. But he doesn't need all the toys that he has. Especially when there are so many children right here on long island that don't have more than a stuffed animal to their name. I'd rather those children have and enjoy these little items rather than allowing them to get stuck under my fridge or bed or between my toes...

...and...

3. Sort:

I bought some containers. Some large ones and some medium sized ones. I'm in the process of looking for small ones with tops that I can keep little pieces in. 

I'll attach some labels {of course} i.e.: puzzles, music, coloring, cars, etc. and even though Colin won't understand them {yet} I will, and that's enough for me.  I am hoping to keep them all up high on a shelf and allow him two baskets a day to play with. I think that will help enable him to enjoy playing with his toys, finding some of them to be "new' again.  This while allow the room to feel less chaotic, and I won't mind if they are scattered about since it will only be the few he's playing with and not every single toy covering my already carpeted floors.

It's a win-win situation.

So this thursday begins phase one. Stay tuned for more ...

Tip-Me Tuesday: Laundry

So I thought I'd write a post about laundry since that's what I feel like I have been doing. Everyday.

Laundry is a never-ending, annoying disturbance that just refuses to go away. It's like a sink full of dirty dishes. The minute you turn away from an empty sink, there are dirty dishes back in it again. Except with dirty clothes, it's worse, because as the weekends come and go and the higher the piles get, the less clothes you have. At least with dishes, you could use paper plates or opt to go out. You can't really do that with clothes. Unless you have the cash to keep buying new outfits every time your laundry is overwhelmingly full.

So I've learned a few things, and a few things my fellow bloggers have taught me along the way. So I'd like to share them with you.

Endless Laundry Tips:

1. Not just weekends
I've learned to do my laundry during the week. Yes, that means from monday on. Even though I was so used to doing laundry on the weekends, this was a habit I was actually quite willing to break. It just made sense. I know there are tons of different people out there, and some like to wait till it has all piled up, but I'm really the kind of person that likes to clean-as-you-go instead (much like those dishes). So this was a notion that made sense to me, and I'm liking it. I started the practice of doing my laundry during the week  while I was working, and obviously it's much simpler now that I'm home, but I was still able to do it.  I'd rather use my weekends to enjoy my family than stress over sorting and folding and all that extra jazz.

2. Get to it right away
Here's what usually happens : a pile of dirty clothes transforms into a pile of clean clothes. Yes a pile of unfolded, yet clean clothes. Why?  Because I'd drag the basket up, turn it over on the bed so I could go go back downstairs and have the basket ready for my next set of clothes. Repeat said process, and then by the end of the day the entire pile would have to move from the bed to the floor to make room for us to sleep.  Then after a day or two would go by, I'd begrudgingly make the effort to put those wrinkly clothes in it's proper place.

Now I figured I would try out this new idea to do everything right away (nope, I'm not 100% there yet, but almost...). As soon as those clean clothes are in my room, I fold them. And as soon as they are folded, I put them away. It has really been such a time saver! I didn't realize what those purposeful actions would result in, and yes my natural self does try and rear it's ugly head by convincing me to leave it until another time with that obvious statement "well they are really not going anywhere" but I am standing firm and reminding my self each time that doing it right away really does make me a happier camper.  It's done and then there's more space on my floor and there is definitley a lot less stress to deal with.

3. Schedule
This might be the new thing I try to do that I have been seeing posts from all those great launderers out there who are blogging: set up a laundry schedule. I'm thinking it would sort of look like this: Monday : whites.   Tuesday : Kids  Wednesday : Bedding {or break}, etc.

You know me and my lists and schedules and lists.

This just might add that extra level of organization to the oh-so-wonderful, endless task of laundry =)

Enjoy the Green Grass...Today!

Ah. So I'm back at work.

I have to admit, it IS nice to have the opportunity to think like an adult, have adult conversations, get some of the items on my list actually crossed off, and even eat sitting down!  But I do miss the little smiles the little one has as soon as he hears my voice, and the abundance of kisses and hugs my older dude is always eager to give.

But I know this situation at work is temporary, and because of that, I have made up my mind to enjoy this opportunity given to me.  I function and am at peace when there is order and organization, and since the last few months have left me completely disorganized and in a constant battle to 'keep up', the time here is sort of like a little oasis (to me). I know, to all my fellow co-workers, it's hard to believe. But here, I can get my thoughts back in order and figure out a 'plan' for the evenings, and then weekends, and then the months ahead. One step at a time. Honestly, it is much easier to figure all this out with the peace and quiet my desk gives, and even if it is for a month or two, it will hopefully give me enough time to process. I think God knows I need this and I'm grateful He's given it to me. But I am completely aware that by the end of my employment here, I'll be craving some time with my babies... so instead of looking for where the grass is greener, I'm just enjoying the green around me today.