where light and shadow join hands

There is a special hour in the autumn morning where the sun finds it's place to rest in it's celestial sphere. Light and shadow join hands, falling long and warm on the floor while the sounds of leaves and trees and birds and bees dance in the midst of them. All is calm.  I feel the eagerness of the inviting scene embrace every inch of my being as I deliberately and gently walk throughout each room, allowing the tender whimsy of the morning to weave and wrap about. My soul finds rest and relief in the warm embrace sooner than the eruption of life that inhabit these walls can come to existence. It offers but a few moments to capture my breath, to stand in awe of the silence and to wholly appreciate that each morning brings the beauty of life and the man of my dreams and children to love.  

These quiet moments are rare and they are short lived. They last but for a moment as each day is new.  Yet, I am grateful for them. I do not feel bitter for their passing because it awakens memories and brings to mind that though this day may bring fights and falls and cries and hurts we will also laugh and dance and sing and heal.  In our home we will create a world where we can bring our differences and experience wholeness, where we can bring our hurts and experience healing, where we can bring our shame and experience honor, and where we can bring our failures and experience acceptance, one that is certain and true.  I want to teach and live and believe that where there is hate and injustice and destruction, there can be celebration and reconciliation and restoration. It is there that hope has set its anchor. Trustworthy and sure.  This hope that we will experience together and extend to our family and our friends and our neighbors. Where light and shadow join hands. A place of belonging and of value and of joy and of love.

Shmorgishborg

So I'm averaging about five posts a month. I think I need to maybe make a resolution to get at least 10 posts or so out there to be considered a blogger. I duno. Honestly, at the end of the day, I'm really okay with whatever and however it turns out, but sometimes I feel like if I don't keep up, it defines my reliability or credibility or something.

Excuses, excuses.
Anyway, aside from that, I have been dealing with and working through some things & stuff over the last several weeks, much of which involves processing through some broken, past, childhood ...and adult ...experiences. I think I properly excused myself over the last few months to process it all offline in a safe community {love you guys!!} rather than gushing it all on here.  For now, it's probably better this way, trust me.

Summertime!
In the meantime, our family of four has been embracing the summer as best as we can. Albeit it’s been chock full of crazie at times, there are definitely some moments that have been sweet and savory.  I mean, honestly it is no different than any other season, except that I am sporting a deeper tan than I have ever been able to in a while.  Good times.

The Home Office
J and I are finally tackling our home office and it is starting to take shape (J is probably more excited than me; he's been looking forward to a fully functional home office for quite some time). I like getting my hands dirty at home and I enjoy that delicious feeling of productivity and accomplishment at the end of a hard working day. Engaging in this activity together is simply icing on the cake.

Backyard 
We have some wasps invading our backyard space, so I'm waiting for the exterminator (or 'terminator' as Cj refers to them) to come in and do what they do. I hope to play a little back there, with the boys of course, but more so with function and design.  I have been lusting over some oasis-like-backyards and coveting my own. I will receive an immense amount of satisfaction once my herbs getting planted. Yes, yes, I understand the summer is half over. I still want to plant them.

Cj
Ahh, my loving 3 year old (going on 12) is at a darling stage with his "excuse me?"'s and "may I go potty?" {Yes, the potty.  It's happened!  I know, I'm excited about it too.} Anyway, I can't help but chuckle or just stop and stare at him sometimes. I often wonder how long it will last and grieve a bit if I start to dwell on a future that has yet to happen. Sometimes it takes me a while before I can shake it off and figure out ways to treasure the now.

Tj
Finally making his place in the world and piecing together some words, or maybe phrases… or really at the very least just use one or two in context like “paaish” (please) and “taa-shu” (thank you). "Nooo" is always readily accessible and “ahh whaa daaiiee” (I want daddy) is his favorite, especially when he sees me greet him in the morning.  Thanks son. I appreciate the love.

The most recent episode involved this little guy somehow taking down a gallon of extra virgin olive oil (it wasn't full) and then proceeding to pour it all over himself and the carpet while I was in the kitchen cooking.
.:: Sigh::.  I think I just have to expect this kind of crazie with two toddler boys.  When I finally found him and all the evidence on and surrounding him, I honestly wasn’t even shocked. I pretty much said “yup, thaaat’s about right” and just got straight to cleaning.  I had to take a picture; he was just down right proud with himself (and that dimple is so darn charming).

Shows how far I’ve come from cherishing a spic and span house to embracing the spots and stains.

Okay probably not embracing it, per se. Learning to live with and accept (for now) is a better way of putting it.

Wordless Wednesday

'smile travie'

'roaaaarrrrr'

too. cool.

love my tj =)

my handsome guys

we are family ...

Wordless Wednesday

there was no way we'd get both boys looking at the camera

Super Mom {?}

Jus' parents came up this afternoon to hang out with the kids, so I got a few hours to slip away and gather my thoughts. I was actually looking forward to using this time to run some errands that I rather rarely get to, but because it is well into the afternoon, my fuel has begun to run low.  I did, however, get a moment to sit in front of my macbook and stare, which is a lot for me these days, it is. I just kinda let my brain go blank instead of forcing it to get something done. So here we are. I just let my fingers start typing...

...and we have come to the end of my first full week of mommy-dom. It's been quite interesting, to say the least, and honestly, I've come to truly enjoy it. Of course, I'm still getting used to this new life, so not everything is kosher cozy. It's still quite an adjustment. For one, you think you will be able to get to your to-do list and watch it decrease in size, when the opposite is actually what happens.  You not only rarely get to it, it is in fact growing. Besides the maturing list, the first three days of this week I had come to all but completely forget that I even had a list of side projects because, well, my vision and energies were all being focused on the task at hand: being none other than super mom. 

"mommy...where ARE you...."

Like I said though, amidst the bottles and the screams and spilled milk, I've come to enjoy it. For example, I've learned what the daycare teachers were saying when they talked about how much Colin talks. I mean, yes the boy loves to talk, I'll admit it. I see it. But now I really HEAR it. He talks all. the. time.  It's amazing! Sometimes I just stop what I'm doing to hear him having his latest observation spoken out or I get to overhear a new conversation he is having with himself, or the one he's pretending to have with Travis. Sometimes in the car, he's quietly sharing all his thoughts and dreams  to whomever he thinks is listening (it would be me, but he's usually talking as if that someone is right next to him. maybe he's letting travis in on his secrets? who knows.)

In either case, it's been so fun to watch. And to see how much of a social bug he really is. Every trip to the store has resulted in him starting a conversation with the girl at the register or with another child in another cart or just with him waving bye on our way out of Target while repeating "goodbye everybody. goodbye. see you later!" At the playground he just assumes he's everyone's best friend. It's really pretty cool. If anything it's forcing me to push out of the just-the-three-of-us bubble and meeting other mommas and kids. Maybe next week we need to take that visit to the library. I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, it takes everything within me not to just cover him with kisses each time. I do enough, trust me. But he would never get to do anything else if I didn't control myself here and there. The best part is when he just stops whatever he's doing to say "thank you momma" and runs over to give me a big hug and kiss ON HIS OWN. 

::Sigh::

I truly am blessed.  It really does seem to make the chaos and stress just melt away.

Poor Jus, doesn't even know what he's missing ...

Home Away From Home

Now that I am officially home with the little ones, I decided to take a few days to visit my family in philadelphia (most of you know thats my hometown, although now I live in long island). It's really not that bad of a drive, at least when you drive at night or when there is no traffic (...no traffic? when IS that seriously? ... in new york, there really is no rhyme or reason to it...). I got down in 2.5 hours which is me making excellent time, and just in time for travis' evening feed. It was wonderful. God totally hooked me up. {thank you!!} Originally, Jus was supposed to have a lot of late days at work because of his trial, so this week was supposed to make sense with my allowing him the freedom to work without worrying about us or the kids, while also providing us with the opportunity to visit my family {also my brother is getting married so he and his fiancé were going to use their spring break this week to talk shop and had asked if I would be able to make my way down to help out - again, more on those two later}.  But of course Jus' trial got moved, so I felt more and more like I was going to miss him and that we really should be traveling together.  But he assured me that he would still be able to use the time to work late without having to worry about me and the kids.

Anyhow, we made it down okay and we'll see how the rest of the week goes.  Colin is enjoying most of his time here chasing around 'kitty', my parents' crazy, calico cat who is obviously not as fond of him as he is of her. She's already hissed at him once, but after his initial terrified response, it doesn't seem to be deterring him at all. He's determined to become friends. I'm highly doubtful, but it IS kind of cute to see him try.