I like hanging out with you

So perhaps the beginning of this week was a bit chaotic, or perhaps I was a bit dramatic.  Maybe both. Honestly, there are days when this is just too much, and I'm watching the clock tick-tock away until I can put them both to bed. The boys don't always listen, the well of ideas does in fact run dry, and help often seems so far away.

I look back and wonder if I should have written it all out on here.

But I do find comfort and connection when I see other moms/ women/ people with not-so-great moments and are not afraid to say so.  I want to demonstrate that my days are not always neatly wrapped and tied with a pretty little bow.  In fact I have gone through plenty-a-season of exhaustion. 

I have emotions. 

The boys are not always nice. Nor am I.

Sometimes, I feel like hiding or running away.

In contrast, today we played and danced.
We sang.
Cj ran to me to give me a tight hug around my neck, then paused for dramatic effect and said,

"I like hanging out with you".

The things that he says and isn't even three yet.

I mean he says things like that all the time {he's such a little love-bug} but for some reason it stole a gasp from me this time. I can't even begin to tell you how that felt, especially after such a week. I squeezed him a little tighter and exhaled with a 'you-are-so-amazing-for-saying-that' kind of sigh. I looked at his most innocent face as he smiled his goofy grin back at me, obviously quite proud of himself for causing such a reaction.  The honesty of a child is what makes moments like these so euphoric.  They mean what they say. Not that adults don't, but when a child says 'I love you' they don't have any hidden connotations or expectations or complexities cloaking it. When they say they love you, they love you. All in.

I looked right back at his big, beautiful, brown eyes and said "I like hanging out with you too."

And I do.

Simple reminders I've been given for why I chose choose to stay with these little guys. Why I am at home. Why I don't run away. Why I get to be taught such profound truths about honesty and simplicity and love through the words of a child. 

I'm glad I didn't miss this one.