my children.
i love them, i truly do. but i'm exhausted. i just cannot think straight and for the life of me i have lost the energy to continue. i don't know what i am doing. i am missing things. i am not spending enough time with them and yet at the same time, all i do is them.
i am them. i feel defined by them.
this is why. this is why i feel like such a failure when they don't listen. when they ignore me. when they yell. when they are just plain mean.
it's because of me, isn't it?
yes, yes, kids will be kids. they are both toddlers. they all go through the terrible twos and threes… and yes, i hear you, BUT it is still terribly difficult to ignore the little voice saying how much influence i have in their lives …that in those moments, he is just a little mirror of me.
sometimes it's hard to convey anything to them. i feel there are days that they just don't want anything to do with me.
he is tired of me. he doesn't listen to me.
he is tired of me. he doesn't listen to me.
it's like he's 15. and yet he is only 2.
me
i don't know who i am. i don't know what definition to take. is it the children? is it a wife? is it someone who cares about something? i remember when i did. i sometimes still think i do but then when i follow that logic, it's down a path i realize i have no time or energy to commit to or to devote towards, so then i recoil and fall into a sorry state wondering who i am again.
who am i?
where do I fit into all of this?
who am i?
where do I fit into all of this?
i lack the energy to practice perspective change.
i just want to be honest and say this is hard and i feel lost and tired and alone.
